It's not always about being there for other people. A lot of the time, you just need to show up for yourself. When you master that, the ability to love others will follow
- Washday Talks
Don't pour from an empty vessel. Don't feed others what you've never tasted. Don't teach what you haven't taught yourself.
Whilst there are many exceptions to these principles (e.g. a shopkeeper is selling others what they may have never bought for themselves), generally we shouldn't try to reach beyond what we are can handle. This doesn't mean we will never get to the point we are striving for, I am a firm believer of reaching for the impossible. But we should approach this responsibly. I am currently in no way equipped to hold Masterclasses on Criminal Law. However, I am a Law Student studying this module. If I keep turning up to lectures and supervisions having done the reading and written work, I will reach a point where I will be equipped to teach others - for money!
Life is very generous in how it educates us, just by showing up consistently we can learn a lot. So why rush? Why try to give what you don't yet have? Or, why try to give something of low quality when in a few months it could be a lot better? Patience is a virtue that accelerates growth - counterintuitive right? When you are patient you save yourself from having to fix a lot of poorly planned decisions. When you're patient your choices are more impactful; they're strategic and informed (hopefully!). Remember, patience is not complacency, and neither is it laziness or indecisiveness. These are vices not virtues.
Essentially what I am saying is that before we try to change the lives of others let's try to change our own lives. Let us show up for ourselves.
If you haven't loved yourself for who you are, don't get frustrated at the fact that you cannot do so for others. This isn't magic, we often have to teach ourselves how to do things on a personal level first before we try doing the same for the world.
You need to understand who you are as an individual. Take A LOT of time away from the crowd, spend A LOT of time in your head. Explore the corners of your mind, reflect on your feelings. Self-awareness is not the enemy of confidence - it is the start of it.
I am concerned that many of us are forgetting what it feels like to be aware of our emotions, to have preferences outside of the crowd and unique opinions. I want us to recover our individual creativity, and I want us to use this creativity to light up the world. I want us to be so secure in ourselves that we can give others the love they deserve.
I want us to be compassionate.
I want us to no longer pour from empty vessels.
This week, and for the rest of your life, prioritise yourself. Remember to care for your mind and body. And if ever when you are being there as a friend, lover, family member etc., you feel depleted, take a break and refill whatever vessel you've been pouring from.
One of the greatest things you can do for the world and the people in it is to show up for yourself. Please don't deprive us of the best you that you can be.
