For me god is anything that sits at the uttermost part of your heart, it is the ruler of your heart. Even if you don't believe in a religious deity, you still have a god. Your god is whatever you allow to rule over your heart.
I have had many 'gods', the most difficult god to overcome was people. People in a season of my life were god. I cared so much about what they would think, what they could do for me. I looked to people for guidance and saving. If something was going wrong someone always had to know, if I was in pain I would turn to another person to fix it. If something amazing happened I had to share it. Nothing could ever sit with me alone, it always had to be given out to others. I didn't know myself without those around me, they were my pillars - my gods.
I'm not saying that trusting in and confiding in people is wrong, but I am saying that alllowing your life to revolve around others completely is dangerous. Why am I crying at night because of what someone said or did? Why do I feel the world is ending because I wasn't invited here? Why am I so angry at you failing to notice my red rimmed eyes? It has never been another human's job to love me with their whole being, to fix me, to rule over my heart.
People cannot be gods, they are ill equipped to rule over the matters of your heart. And it took a series of painful experiences and realisations for me to be ripped away from the belief that others could save me. I see this as evidence of God's love (I'm talking about Jesus Christ here), that in order for me to place my security in the true source of love, I had to be taken away from that which I thought would save me - people (bear in mind God can use people to show forth His love and healing). And it hurt so much to be at a point where I felt completely alone and abandoned, but, now with hindsight I see it was necessary to build me. To save me. I had to rewire the rankings in my heart. And of course, I got it wrong at first. I was bitter, I resolved not to trust others, to never let them in because they were incapable of solving anything. I began to fear interaction with others, I began to feel guilty when I spoke of personal things. I began to feel ashamed at any desire for deep connection. I was so afraid of being failed by others again that I didn't want them around me at all. But, as it is commonly said, it's all about finding balance. Balance between privacy and openess, have your small circle of close confidants, not everything you know needs to be shared. Trust that the right ones will find you, and do good by those who stand by you. And in the seasons where you do find yourself alone, look deep within yourself for areas that need healing and developing. I would not be as powerful and strong as I am now without those months alone, without these current days alone. I am digging deeper in myself and I cannot share everything here now because the time isn't right, but we will look back on this season and I promise you I will be open about it. Truthful about this process of removing dependency and embracing the truth - that people are ill-equipped gods and that sometimes the pain of being broken away from what you love can be the greatest thing to happen to you.
Think about it, to mold clay into a great figure, it must first be broken away from the mound.
I had to let go of the substitute gods in order to find peace. What is your god?
